“God almighty has set before me two great objects, the suppression of the slave trade and the reformation of manners.” – William Wilberforce
When I talk with people about the qualities of a Success-Minded Person they are always a bit surprised to find manners on my list. Not that they think manners are unimportant, but they just assume people know that. Besides, how often do you hear a teaching on manners? Yet good manners are the key to success in our world. Without them you are just another uncaring person in a sea of uncaring people. With them, you stand out as someone who cares and can be trusted. Clarence Thomas said, “Good manners will open doors the best education cannot.”
WHAT ARE GOOD MANNERS?
To define manners is easy. Good manners are nothing more than caring and respecting other people. That is it. It is not about how you behave at the dinner table or in public gatherings. It is all about others. The late Emily Post who was considered the expert on etiquette said “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.”
Part of showing good manners is the oblivious like saying “please” and “thank you”. Allowing others to enter the room before you and never telling harsh or hurtful jokes at others expense. But there are things that are not so oblivious like smiling when you meet people, asking caring questions and listening when other talk. Henry David Thoreau once said “The greatest compliment that was ever paid to me was when someone asked me what I thought and attended to my answer.”
A BAD EXAMPLE
If you asked a group of people where they saw the failure of good manners most would tell you it was in the political circles of our country. I must agree that what the government needs most, from the top on down, is a lesson in good manners. This harsh discourse we get in the news every day and on political ads has done much damage to our society. People no longer feel it strange to accuse, insult and personally destroy each other. Our leaders should be the example and yet they are the worst of us all.
IT STARTS WITH YOU
So where do we find good manners and how can we change this trend of unkindness and bad manners. Simply put my friend: It starts with you. Good manners are not about how others treat you but how you treat others. There is an old saying that says “Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.” This is why it is an important quality of Success-Minded People; we have to be the example to the world we live in. No matter how others may act, we will have good manners.
THIS IS A TEST
Let me close by asking you to do an experiment. For the next week, show the best manners you have to everyone you meet. Be sure to smile and greet people. Be friendly and care about the people you come in contact with. Be sure to say “please” and “thank you” and all the niceties used in polite society. See if people’s attitudes do not change. You will find them not only warmer to you but you will see them using good manners too. It is a fact: Good manners are very contagious!
© 2011 John Patrick Hickey
