“Flattery and insults raise the same question: What do you want?” – Mason Cooley
“You are wonderful! You should not change a bit. Everything you do is good and really cannot be improved on. Those who tell you that you should improve and grow do not know what they are talking about. You really are the closest thing to perfect I know.” Do you like hearing that? The better question is: do you believe it? If so, you have more problems that I will deal with here. Those who live for flattery must face the fact that they are not fully in touch with reality. As 17th Century philosopher, Baruch Spinoza said, “None are more taken in by flattery than the proud, who wish to be the first and are not.”
Most Success-Minded People desire to hear the truth rather than flattery. It is nice to get a compliment and have nice things said about you, but they need to be real and truthful. English Poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge said “The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions – the little ones, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment.” To be encouraged is something we all need and hope for, but if that comes in the form of a lie, it is worse than not receiving anything at all.
I have a dear friend that I know I can turn to for an honest opinion. When I ask him what he thinks of something I have done, he is fast to praise and give great encouragement. He makes me feel I did well. He is just as fast to tell me where I can improve and what needs to be changed. That makes me feel even better. Why? Because I know he loves me and cares that I do well. When I need honesty I know I can always depend on him. He would not say things to hurt me or to discourage me. If I need to improve he tells me and he lets me know how I can. He is a true friend. As Henry Ford said “My best friend is he who brings out the best in me.”
We all need friends and family who will be honest and helpful to us. If when you ask for an opinion all you get is “That is good.” Then you are not getting any help. I understand that many tell us only good things because they do not wish to hurt us but you must realize that it is never hurtful to help someone improve. That says you care and you what them to be the best.
Success-Minded People should always be ready to help their friends and family become the best they can be. When they do well, we tell them, when they need improvement we tell them that too. Mindless flattery may seem pleasant but the end is useless. As Edmund Burke said “Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver.” Care enough for people to help them be the best they can be. Encourage and praise but remember that improvement is what we all need.
© 2012 John Patrick Hickey
